When I was in college it felt like making friends was pretty easy. You could meet people in class, at clubs, or just by showing up to parties. But as I got older and left my college town and all the friends who made life exciting, I realized how hard it really is to build friendships and create a community once school ends. In middle school, high school, and even grad school, there was always a built-in structure that naturally brought people together. An article in Psychology Today had a line that really stood out to me: “The flexible bonds of friendships are voluntary, unlike those of family, which leaves them more vulnerable to change as the built-in structures of early adulthood fade.” That line felt so true. The friendships you make in school are voluntary, but they are also situational. Once you and your friends leave that shared environment, there is no social contract to hang out every day or grab food at the dining hall. That was something I struggled to understand when I moved away from the city where my family and friends lived to a place where I did not know anyone.
I will admit I have not tried my hardest to create new friendships, although I have made some half-hearted attempts like joining a rec volleyball league. I also think that as you get older, you naturally start to prioritize relationships with your significant other and your parents as they age, which I definitely do now. In college I spent far more time with friends than with my parents, and now it is the other way around. Work plays a role too. As people take on new jobs, move, or build new relationships, you slowly watch old friendships fade. It is sad, but there is something beautiful in it as well. There is always the hope that one day you will meet new friends who fit this stage of your life, and that you will also get to reconnect with old friends who will always have a place in your story.
As I get older, I feel a stronger desire to be part of a community with friends who are like-minded, but I have to accept that the environment that once pushed everyone together does not exist anymore. Social media makes this even more complicated. It helps you stay aware of what people are doing, but it also makes you feel like you already know everything about them. Sometimes I see someone’s posts and think, “Well, I know what they are up to, so I guess there is no need to catch up,” even though that is not true at all.
Going into 2026, I want to see if I can make new friends where I live by actually putting in real effort. I also want to try reconnecting with old friends. If I remember, which I probably will not, I will update this next year and see if I made any progress in building friendships.